


Repression or: The Things That Get You Off

by LucyInTheSkye



Series: Sirius x Remus [13]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Comeplay, Consent is Sexy, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Kink Negotiation, Lactation Kink, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Massage, Nipple Play, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Sort Of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-16
Updated: 2019-10-16
Packaged: 2020-12-31 02:50:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21055643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LucyInTheSkye/pseuds/LucyInTheSkye
Summary: August 1979. Sometimes, the laughter catches in his throat.





	Repression or: The Things That Get You Off

They were in bed, Sirius resting against the pillows and Remus almost in his lap, back to chest. 

Sirius was pinching and squeezing his nipples. Again. 

The problem wasn’t that it didn’t feel good, because it did. Remus had to fist the sheets in sheer desperation, because the touches were going straight to his dick, making it thrash around by itself on his belly like a marionette with just one uncut string left; precarious and whimsical and eager to snap, occasionally spitting some clear pre-ejaculate high in the air. It was a bit comical, but that still wasn’t the issue. 

Sirius’s fingers were quietening down, no doubt drawing out Remus’s impending release. Remus had come twice in his mouth earlier, and presumably Sirius wanted to make sure that he didn’t overexert his lover’s cock. Fat chance of that ever happening. Remus’s cock was a creature gifted with an unlikely large appetite. 

The problem was that now the pads of Sirius’s fingers were rolling, alternating between tugging and releasing, and it was a motion Remus could only associate with one thing. The wolf, who took charge of his sex-life a couple of days per month, always made Remus do this on Sirius’s nipples after he fucked him full of come. Full of seed, more specifically.

The first time Remus could remember getting an erection had been when his auntie Faith was visiting. She had been breastfeeding Remus’s six-month-old cousin at the time, and it had been one of the most confusing and distressing moments of Remus’s life. He had watched from underneath his fringe, attention completely stolen by the baby having its dinner, only to suddenly realise that he was not alright. He had fled out of the sitting room without saying a word and locked himself into his room. 

Of course, he knew now that it didn’t make him a criminal deviant; these things happened. The shame was still there, though, along with the worry that he might get off on things he had no right to get off on. 

Sirius milked his nipples incessantly, leaning his head around Remus’s body, mouth open and tongue playfully reaching, and Remus’s cock drooled and drooled like a faulty tap. 

“Don’t… I… It looks like…” 

Remus squirmed uncomfortably and Sirius’s hands released his nipples and tickled gently over his belly instead. 

There was a pause, and Remus didn’t know how to fill it. He was aware that his body was still moving, and when he opened his eyes at a crack, he could see that his back was arched as if begging for Sirius to put his hands back exactly where they had been. Remus’s skin had blushed an artful rosé all the way down his chest and his nipples stuck out like the udders of a particularly desperate cow. Talk about mixed signals. 

Sirius took his cock, hand unnervingly gentle, and just held the throbbing, leaking length in a loose fist. His other hand smoothed out the soft brown curls down there. 

Remus’s breathing was going back to normal and with it came a nauseating drop from the previous euphoria. He felt that same humiliating inadequacy that still occasionally hit him, although this time it wasn’t even linked to some new titbit of knowledge about what positions or in what numbers other people had fucked his boyfriend before him. No, this was all because of an unhealthy and very temporary interest in auntie Faith’s... He wanted to run off, or maybe disapparate, just take himself away from all of this. Sirius chose the moment to leave his pubes alone and put his hand on Remus’s chin, a hand so gentle it was more a caress than a grip, tipping Remus’s head to the side so that they could look at each other. In theory, at least, of course Remus was in no state to look anybody in the eye right then, least of all his loving boyfriend. 

“It’s not wrong to get off like this, you know that, right?”

Remus sucked in a breath but there wasn’t really anything he could say to that. 

“Mine are sensitive too, plenty of people get off on it.”

Yes, but they don’t usually come from just nipple stimulation; that was Remus’s first thought. His second was that this wasn’t about him coming untouched like a sex-crazed lunatic. This was about how it made him feel, how just now his brain had imagined that… 

Not going there. 

“It’s not bad to touch your body in other places than between your legs,” Sirius continued, and Remus wanted to interrupt him, tell him that he knew that, but his head subconsciously moved, eyes opened completely and he stared down the werewolf scar on his hip. It taunted him, shiny pink and white rips and tears that spread self-hatred throughout Remus whenever he so much as saw them, let alone touched them. When had he last touched them? He didn’t even touch those scars by mistake.

“I like touching all of you,” Sirius continued, pig-headed determination in every word, “with my fingers, but with my mouth, too. I love getting you off, but it’s not enough in itself. I want to be able to put my mouth everywhere, taste and kiss you all over. Lick sweat off you, lick you when you’re clean out of the shower. All of you.”

Remus caved and kissed him. His chin was still cradled in Sirius’s hand, warm and safe, and Sirius’s lips were soft and tasted of the worship that lived in there. Remus kept his eyes shut, let Sirius decide for how long they would kiss.

“I’ve played with your nipples before. A lot. Was it not good for you, those times?”

It wasn’t where Remus had thought this would go, Sirius’s breath anxious on his spit-slick lips. 

“It was good,” Remus muttered. “I just get trapped in my head, sometimes.”

“You’d tell me to stop if I went places you didn’t want me to go?”

“Yeah. But…”

Remus wavered, and while he did, he felt Sirius’s whole body tense underneath him. The hand around his cock released him completely, and Remus scrambled for words, knowing he had to get them out at once. 

“I’d never have dared to do any of the things we’ve done on my own.”

Remus opened his eyes, finding Sirius’s handsome ones and pleading, begging he would understand. It hit him that this must be the worst thing Sirius could think of, the fear that he had violated someone else without realizing. 

“I’ve loved every second,” Remus got out, blushing deeply. “I’ve enjoyed everything we’ve done. Sometimes I almost feel good in my skin when I’m with you.”

Remus’s voice died with a miserable whimper in his throat. He had not meant to say that. Sirius kissed the whimper right out of his mouth, before it had more than begun to throw its ugly shadow over them. 

“I didn’t mean that. I don’t hate myself,” Remus whispered, but there was a risk he was lying, and Sirius kissed those words out of his mouth, too. Remus’s neck was hurting from how he was twisting it to keep on kissing Sirius, and he cumbersomely turned the rest of his body to lie face to face. A thick lump weighing down his beautiful boyfriend. Sirius hugged him close, pressed their chests together where their hearts were beating out loving distress signals. It helped. Sirius sighed into his mouth, and then there was the muffled noise of him farting.

Remus couldn’t help it, and after all the heavy emotion he probably needed it as well. He laughed, an undignified guffaw, and Sirius tried to kiss that away too, although he was not capable of keeping a straight face, toothy grin under Remus’s tongue. 

“I might as well have been a virgin when we started,” Remus whispered, oddly enough feeling as if he was confessing to something sordid. “I didn’t know what I would like. I was scared the things I liked would be weird _and_ I was scared I wouldn’t be adventurous enough for you.”

“Proved yourself wrong, at least,” Sirius mumbled, Remus’s lips getting muddled up in his as he spoke. “Is touching your nipples off bounds?”

“No,” Remus said, quick and harsh enough that Sirius’s grin housed more ‘I told you so’ than Remus would have preferred. “It feels good,” he continued reluctantly.

“That much I can tell,” Sirius countered, “my question was if you’ll let me play with them or not.”

“You may.”

Remus buried his tongue in Sirius’s mouth to hinder a reply, really plunged it in there like a desperately clueless teenager. Which was exactly what he was, he supposed. Sirius left his mouth wide open for the extent of the clumsy invasion, and Remus resolutely ignored how the corners of his lover’s mouth twitched and twitched. 

“What would you like?” Sirius asked him when Remus’s tongue took a well-deserved break.

“Why don’t we do what you like for a change?” 

“We do that just about every time,” Sirius countered, but he did take a good hold of Remus and rolled their bodies around. Remus felt a warm flutter from within as he registered how one of Sirius’s hands cradled the back of his head, keeping him safe. “I like being on top of you,” Sirius said, easing Remus’s head down to the pillows and placing a tender kiss on his neck. 

Remus opened his legs a bit and felt Sirius settle comfortably between them. Sirius kissed him, properly on the mouth this time, and with his hands cradling Remus’s face, one hand moving so that his fingers could massage the scalp. Remus was relaxing completely and his erection was in full swing again, not perturbed in the slightest by being squashed between their stomachs. He could feel Sirius getting there too and there was something rather magical about knowing that kissing was enough to make him hard. 

“What else gets you off?” Remus spoke against his lips. Sirius caressed his face, fingers trailing over his cheekbones and jaw.

“Making you come.”

Remus smiled and kissed Sirius’s thumb when it followed the shape of his lips.

“We were talking about what makes you come, not me.”

“Making you come gets me off,” Sirius insisted and kissed his own thumb too, meeting Remus’s lips on the other side. His hips began to move, and Sirius mirrored him. It was dry and Remus grimaced. He could absolutely get off like this, but he could think of more pleasant ways to do it.

“Touching your body gets me off,” Sirius continued, but he was getting up, and Remus groaned in frustration. Then the words registered and he stilled, trying to not look as confused as he felt. On some level he knew that was true, of course, Sirius wouldn’t initiate this much sex with Remus if he didn’t get anything out of it. Still, hearing it put that bluntly clashed badly with Remus’s own image of himself, especially when he compared himself to the flawless body Sirius had to offer him. A sizeable part of him was convinced that Sirius got off on his own body at least as much as Remus’s, and he had long since decided that this wasn’t an issue. He still got laid, didn’t he?

Sirius got back on top of him, a bottle of massage oil in hand. He was sitting so that their hard pricks could tangle together, like two squishy toy swords engaged in half-hearted battle. Sirius opened the cork with his mouth, eyes roaming over Remus. Remus closed his eyes and arched up as the oil spilled over his torso, almost immediately followed by Sirius’s hands. The palms rubbed him slick and smooth, chest to shoulders and then back to his chest, teasing thumbs over his stiff nipples which did draw the loudest moans out of Remus. Then he was tickled and patted over his stomach, then both hands descended on their erections. Sirius used unnecessary strength to press them together, slow torturous glide from root to head. 

Remus opened his eyes to take in his lover. Sirius was looking down at his handiwork with childish appreciation, head at a birdlike tilt to the side with his hair falling gracefully around his features, his mouth panting open and tongue playing with his upper lip. 

“Come back down?” Remus suggested. Sirius laid back on top of him, rubbing into Remus’s body to get oil on himself, too. Remus clumsily wrapped his legs around his lover, searching for a good angle to rut against him. Sirius took his neck with one hand and kissed him, and when he massaged the oil into Remus’s skin it felt almost like he was being strangled, which Remus’s prick seemed to find very intriguing. Remus felt himself kissing harder and harder into Sirius’s mouth, prick sliding between their stomachs, pressing his own hand on top of Sirius’s. 

When he began to come he removed his hand, and so did Sirius, tangling it in his hair instead. 

“Are you coming for me?” he whispered, rather superfluously or so Remus thought, but he nodded anyway, trying to arch his back a bit more because it all felt so good and at the same time he wasn’t quite in control of his body when it felt this good.

“I like it when you come, lots and lots,” Sirius murmured into his mouth.

Remus could feel it, a warm dribble between two ribs that was threatening to overflow down his side. It tickled. 

He looked to the side, and Sirius mirrored him, lifting his body just enough that they both spotted the stream of opaque white. His hand was there in a flash.

“Love it when you come.”

Remus was torn between smiling and succumbing to his normal post-orgasmic bashfulness. Sirius’s eyes seemed to analyse his through a fog of arousal, and his hand was becoming more certain where it moved over Remus’s ribs. 

“It’s good for your skin Remus,” he whispered into Remus’s reddening cheek, “really good and healthy for it. Every time you come you should rub it into your skin, really massage it all in there. Or ask me to do it, or I’ll watch when you do it. Watch you come all over yourself and then rub your own semen into your skin. Make it shiny with it. Cover yourself in spunk.”

Remus whined with reluctant arousal and distaste and timidity. That just seemed to spur Sirius on.

“I’m going to come all over you too and smear you with that as well. Glaze you like the most delicious cake. White and filthy and so good for me…”

Remus strained his neck to look between their bodies, Sirius’s body was lifted to leave just a little bit of room, enough room to wank off against Remus’s belly. Sirius came onto Remus’s body and all over his own fingers and he moaned with more pleasure than such a simple act should ever have warranted. Remus found he didn’t mind; in fact he was aware of an answering arousal whenever Sirius got into his own twisted perversions. This was dirty and taboo and unapologetic and very, very Sirius. Remus thought it made perfect sense that he’d like things like this. Things that were nasty and unacceptable but also completely harmless, even benign. Sirius was hit and miss with pain and with rough sex (if Remus was the recipient), but this he could enjoy without having to worry about any damage being done.

He was drawing his index finger graphically over Remus’s belly, straight through a heavy rope of white, playing at painting all the way up to Remus’s chest, dragging semen up to Remus’s right nipple.

Sirius gave him a playful wink; his thumb and index plucking on the nub and the fingers liberally coated with gooey white come. Remus’s rosy, pebbled nipple looked as if it was leaking the thick white cream, and that particular re-enactment of Remus’s most confusing and possibly most shameful fantasy was a memory connected with too much raw emotion. Remus couldn’t do it right now, and that must have shown on his face. Sirius gave him a comforting smile and flattened his hand over the nipple he’d been working on, rubbed the come into his skin istead. It was as if he was shining leather, only the material getting shined with spunk was alive and healthy and flushed and freckled and warm to the touch and more than capable of becoming prickly with arousal.

Remus took a good hold of Sirius and flipped them around, pushing Sirius’s squirming body into the mattress and took some spunk from his chest and rubbed it into Sirius’s mouth. That was met with slurping approval. Remus moved up a little, leaving his chest level with Sirius’s face and burying his own face in the pillow above Sirius’s head. It was manageable like this, when he was in the dark and with Sirius buried underneath him. Sirius sucked his nipples until they both hurt, and after that Remus was more than ready to come again. They didn’t discuss it, and Remus hoped that someday soon he would be able to lay his issues to rest.


End file.
